Side Note:

Side Note:
For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't been here: The titles of most of the blogs here are song lyrics. If you google them, it should take you to the song and the song is good to listen to before, during, or after reading to help set the tone of the blog. I find music to be very cohesive with reading and writing.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Learning to Breathe, Count, Exhale and Punch the Wall and Not the Person...

I had a dream last night that I tried to smother someone with a pillow and then I pushed them off a cliff.
As a military wife, especially of a soldier who is gone often, (whether that be to the field, training, or deployments) you will very quickly learn something important: People are inconsiderate and annoying.
Yeah, that's right, I said it. We all think it and I said it and I'm about to say more.
Now, I get that when we're home and our soldiers are away, we are more sensitive and people shouldn't have to walk on eggshells, but at the same time it would be nice if they would think before they spoke. Perhaps even go so far as to put themselves in our shoes for a moment before making statements or asking questions.
For instance, when Erik was in Basic and AIT he encountered an injury that caused his time in training (our time apart) to be extended. That coupled with the delay of his orders, instead of what should have been 6 months apart, we were apart almost a year. When we were finally back together, one of the first questions people kept asking was: When do you think he'll get deployed?
Really? I mean, really?! My husband and I were finally back together and all people could ask about was when we were going to have to be apart again and each time I heard that question I wanted to scream, cry and hurl them off the nearest rooftop.
Advice from people who aren't going through what you are going through, haven't gone through it, or who you know wouldn't be able to handle going through it is also on the list of things that send you from fine to raging lunatic within about .5 seconds. "Why don't you get a job to help pass the time and distract you?" You're right, because I won't ever think about him there. Also, breaking down in front of a group of people is way better than doing it at home.  "Make sure you don't tell him you miss him all the time."  Okay, first of all, duh. Second of all, even though that is a duh, how about you try NOT telling your best friend and the love of your life that your heart feels like its being ripped out and used as a hackysack when they walk out of the door is hard. You're torn between wanting to tell them you love them and miss them because you want to make sure they always know that and yet knowing that sometimes the more they know you miss them the more they worry about you and you need their head to be in what they are doing, not on you.
And then their are the people who wanna tell you they know where you are coming from, they get it because their spouse has been off on business for four days. Four. Whole. Days. Whoa. My mind is blown. How do you do it? That must be tough. Oh me? Oh you're right, because my husband is in the military I must be used to it and so great at handling it. Oh? You want to vent to me about how lonely you are? How hard it is to keep things running while he's not there? You wanna wear my shoes for a year, sweetie, then give me that sob story? I didn't think so.
And then there is the worst thing: Another military wife bragging about how her husband has never gone to the field or deployed, or doesn't  go to the field or deploy where you all just got stationed. Talk about lack of understanding where you think it ought to come from. Salt in the wound, much? I mean, I'm more than happy for wives whose husbands don't deploy. That is a real blessing. But why be nasty to the rest of us? Why rub that in? Why so callously throw that around to the rest of us who you know are aching and hurting? Its so unkind and truly hurts more because we are supposed to have a sort of sisterhood and understanding for one another.
Thank God for the people who truly work to understand what it's like or who are careful and gentle with their words. We are oversensitive, we do take more things to heart than perhaps we should, but would it hurt for a little consideration for us?

Fae Fae

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