Side Note:

Side Note:
For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't been here: The titles of most of the blogs here are song lyrics. If you google them, it should take you to the song and the song is good to listen to before, during, or after reading to help set the tone of the blog. I find music to be very cohesive with reading and writing.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Said I Wouldn't Call But I've Lost All Control and I Need You Now...

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." -- Marcel Pagnol

I am a fan of quotes, for those who haven't noticed. Whether they be from song lyrics, books, the news, anything. I feel like if something was memorable enough to be notated and quoted then it must have some importance to someone. The above quote seemed to encompass the thoughts I've carried in my mind as of late. So many people around me, to include myself, have been experiencing rough times lately. A majority of them seem to have given up hope and let much of the joy in their lives slip away because they dwell constantly on all of the bad.
I'm guilty of it myself, sometimes, but I've found a great truth in my life: Things can only hurt you, make you sad, make you angry or break you if you let them. You can choose to not let them. The initial sting and shock will always be there, that is unavoidable, but if you stand up and say "I am not going to let this ruin my happiness" then it actually helps.
My husband is halfway across the world, but I do not let it break me. I find ways to occupy my time and I remain ever vigilant in my belief that no matter what, he is coming home. I worry he'll be sad or effected by what he's seen, but I know no matter what we can overcome anything together.
I miss my family and it gets me down, but at the same time I have family. I am blessed with an abundance of people in my life who love me and those who use me shouldn't be able to steal away the joy the others give me.
I can do anything I set my mind to. I have the most amazing husband, the best friends I could ask for, a wonderful family and an awesome God.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Put A Smile On Your Face...

I'm attempting to pull myself out of the funk of irritation I was in during that last blog. I've since done a little mental and emotional housekeeping, as well as some social-networking clean up, and decided that I can't dwell on people who drag me down. I need to just pick myself up and accept that there are people in the world who suck others around them dry. Yes, Billy Corgan, the world is indeed a vampire.
On to that whole happy-touchy-feely thing. I'm going to a party with John and Beth on Saturday. I shall yet again be in heels and a dress. Someone out there laughed mockingly. You shall rue this day, mocker. Actually, other than the painful feet I love doing stuff like this with them. Its fun and its always an experience. I believe since my original Friday plans were cancelled that Beth and I may be going to a shop somewhere in Stamford to look at dresses for their wedding. That's always fun because I get to play Barbie for a little while. You know, the rejected short, chunky brunette Barbie...Oh. Mattel didn't make one? Huh. Sunday my big brother has decided to take me to some big NYS flea market which is supposed to be an experience. I love those sorts of things, so I'm rather excited for that.
And that's really it for now. This blog was really more of an update than my usual commentary on life, but I'm still trying to get the sour out of my 'tude before I go back to just being cynical and sarcastic and stop being a downright bitch.


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Push Me Away, Make Me Fall, Just to See Another Side of Me...

In this world, there are givers and there are takers. I, believe it or not, am a giver. I give to everyone, even those who don't really deserve it because regardless, it feels like it is the right thing to do. The problem with this, however, seems to be that eventually people figure you out. They realize you are a giver. They realize they can be a taker. It sinks in that no matter how much they want to take and take and take, you will be right there to keep giving. Eventually though, like even the greatest renewable resources, we all get tapped dry.
I believe yesterday may have been that point for me.
I have decided that sometimes, people really don't care what they take from you. They really do not care how things affect you. In this world there really are people who are just plain selfish and hey, maybe they don't realize it but that doesn't change the cold hard facts. They are takers and I'm tired of fueling it.
I am tired of sticking my neck out for people. I am tired of being the dependable friend. I am tired of being the one that can be leaned on but then when I turn to fall no one is there to catch me. Clearly the entirety of my friends and family do not fall under this, but the ones who do know it. They felt the guilt in the pit of their stomach when they read this. They felt it when they read my Facebook statuses and knew they were to whom I was speaking. They know it each time I'm reluctant to, or simply don't, answer a text. They know it because the normally smiling and happy person they milk for everything is now handing out lemons.
Suck on those for a while.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

On the Road Again...

So I'm back at the location where this blog started, and actually here for much along the same premise as then as well. With my dear hubby off in the sand box, I needed a break from home so I came back to Connecticut to spend time with my brother and his wonderful fiance, Beth.
Whenever I come here, my stress level drops infinitely. I go from being somewhere where everything is about everyone else and I am constantly pleasing others and considering others to for once being able to just sit down and think "Oh. This is for me."
There are, however, some social adjustments I have to accept when I come to this area. You see, the Northeastern United States, for those who haven't been here are...well..uptight? Snooty? Sometimes even downright bitchy. And that is not at all saying that all Northeasterners are that way! Beth is a doll and so is her family, but the people we don't know...they are a hand full. Within five minutes of being here I was being verbally assaulted by some broad down the way because she assumed I parked in her parking space. In fact, I had parked in a visitor's space and the other snooty broad had pulled into her space and so they commenced their arguing while I brought my things inside.
I feel bad even generalizing that it's the entire Northeast, come to think of it, though I do know you all in this area definitely aren't the sweet-tea-loving, how-are-ya'll, bless-your-heart Southerners I'm used to. I think perhaps I can narrow it down and specifically say the majority of the attitude is in this general area. As my soon-to-be sister-in-law puts it: People here have too much money & too much time on their hands.
Women here grocery shop like grazing cows: picking, staring and in herds. They will stand for minutes on end staring at the same product then wonder why you reach past them (while saying excuse me politely!) to grab the Danish Blue you saw from twenty feet away while she was still staring into space vacantly.
And the events! My goodness! How in the world do you people do this? Each time I visit our schedule is packed with events, and I find that more and more of them require a dress and heels. Where I am from, you throw heels on for a few minutes, an hour tops, then you tuck those babies under the table and go barefoot or rock your flip flops! When I was invited to the "ladies' tea" tomorrow afternoon, I imagined an hour or so of chat then coming home. Little did I know I had been recruited into "four or five hours" of high-heel, tea-dress good times. I foresee Epson salt in my near future...


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Tell Your Boyfriend If He Says He's Got Beef, That I'm a Vegetarian...

I am baffled by modern science each day. Philip Defranco mentioned in his MWF show something about someone creating a paper phone (which isn't actually made of paper, but is instead just paper-thin phone) and found myself thinking how much we have progressed within the last one hundred years. I mean really, even within just the last ten we've revolutionized the way we live our daily lives.
However, with progression comes regression. Nearly every device we carry with us this day in age contains a camera, and most of these have video functionality. Now in many ways, this is a wonderful thing! Many criminals have been caught thanks to people candidly capturing them on their video devices! People have cause abusers, thieves, and much more on their devices. Sometimes people even catch things that turn out to show people with great talents and propel them somewhere that without video, they would have never been. (i.e. Golden Voice)
I am all for these purposes! These are great! It feels like things like this or keeping in contact with loved ones across distances are exactly what video technology on phones and ipods was made for.
What these things were NOT made for, however, is slow, long and agonizingly torturous videos to force your friends to watch. The panic attack I suffer from each time I hear "Hey! Check out this video of my cat!"  The nausea I suffer when I hear "Oh man, watch this awesome video of me singing drunk at this party!"  Or the desire that grips me to repeatedly pummel myself with the nearest heavy object when someone says "Wait wait, let me show you this one of litte Timmy almost eating peas by himself" when in reality little Timmy is drooling all over himself staring at the video camera motionless for three minutes of the three minute and fifteen second video.  Remember the jokes about people who made you look at pictures of their kids from their wallets?  Remember making fun of people for asking you to watch their slideshows of their vacations?  This is the same thing. Technological progression does not excuse your social regression. Unless I really insist to see your video, I probably don't care. Unless it's had atleast 100k views on Youtube, it probably isn't as funny as you seem to think. Unless you want to stare at the entirety of my photo collection while duct-taped to a chair with your eyes taped open, do not attempt to torture me please. I am better at it than you. Like everything else.


Friday, May 6, 2011

Can I Get A...

I am a lovey-dovey, touchy-feely, huggy girl. I love to hug people I know when I see them or when they are leaving, I love to gently shove when I joke with people, I kiss someone on the top of their head when they are crying on my shoulder. That being said, even with all that touchy-feely-ness that I was always taught was a good thing, my DH and I have never made sex the forefront of our marriage. Now, that's not to say that we don't "get it on" like the newly-weds that we are, but at the same time, we're also comfortable enough with one another to understand that we both do a lot during the day and come home tired, so it's not an every night thing and sometimes it may even go a week. *GASP* Regardless, my point is that both of us have talked as adults and have an understanding that there's no reason for that to be a primary concern for either of us in this relationship because we are truly best friends and know there is more to this for us than that.
Now that that's been said, I must confess that for the first time in our relationship I feel like I'm being sexually deprived. (And not by choice, of course. If he were here we'd have this problem all sealed up.) The"Sexually deprived for your freedom" shirts and the Facebook group are making more and more sense now!
When he was at BCT, it sucked but after it was over I saw him briefly (very briefly) for an intimate rendezvous in the car. On his way in transit from BCT to AIT, I again went up for a visit at the airport and we spent some more time in our car. While he was in AIT, I visited twice, the first time for four days, the second time for almost a week, and so all total, we've only ever been away and truly cut off from physical intimacy for about eight to nine weeks at a time before. The realization that this playtime in the sandbox time will make that stretch immensely longer was overwhelmingly clear when I started having dreams about my husband and I doing the naughty. Now, I've had these kinds of dreams before, so no this isn't some new experience, however never this often. Nearly all of them have had my husband in the starring role, though on occasion its not my husband. It's no one who is realistically reachable, of course, but it's still a little awkward to be a married woman having a dream about being the filling of a Blake Shelton/Tim McGraw sandwich. (Please make me stop watching The Voice.)
The grumpiness that follows the morning, and sometimes even extends into the day after, one of these dreams is unbearable. I'm not a grumpy person! Sarcastic? Duh. Cynical? Clearly. But grumpy? I'm a freakin' ray of sunshine people. Haha! But not on these days! On these days I am snappy and find myself going off on tangents about how somehow prisoners who have commited murder, rape and treason still are allowed conjugal visits, yet we're get nothing for months at a time! Everyone whose husbands are home on R&R or not deployed are getting retina-searing glares from me through the monitor each time they post on Facebook on these days. And Lord help you if you're with him and I run into you on those days because I'll probably be mentally talking myself down from kneeing him so you feel my pain for at least a few days.
My rationale is off these days, but the rest of the time I'm really handling everything quite well. In fact, I keep being told how well I am handling things which I think is in part why I wanted to post this. I'm human too. This is my first time doing this, so I'm getting a grasp on things and trying to figure out how to do this just like some of you have done or are doing now too, so don't think I don't struggle. When I have my bad days, they are one of two modes: if it's not extremely-irritable-sexually-deprived Fae then its sad-mopey-cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat Fae. Those days I stay home with the dog and yes, that actually makes things feel better. This big D thing is something I am thinking of as a learning experience and I am taking away from it alot of knowledge about myself I did not have prior.
Today's lesson: The sentence "I don't think the no-sex for a year thing will really be a big deal for me" was incorrect. lol