Side Note:

Side Note:
For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't been here: The titles of most of the blogs here are song lyrics. If you google them, it should take you to the song and the song is good to listen to before, during, or after reading to help set the tone of the blog. I find music to be very cohesive with reading and writing.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This...

Block leave is coming to an end. Tomorrow is the last day of all-hubby all-the-time for me and I am none-too-happy about it. I am keeping a stiff upper lip for the most part, but the other evening as we settled into bed he opened up a little about how much he will miss me and how its been hard knowing this week has had a "last meal" sort of feel to it before he has to leave. He isn't leaving for a little while yet, but block leave coming to an end makes it seem inevitably closer. Atleast we had time together, some people didn't even get that.
We've been working out together nearly every night this week too. We are trying to keep each other motivated but after doing a cake order yesterday and then cooking all day today and being out in the cold last night I'm sort of leaning away from going this evening. I'm sure I will go anyway, but I'd much rather take some medicine, curl up in a ball on the couch and watch our movies from Netflix.
As for tomorrow being the last day of leave, I intend to make him his favorite breakfast: biscuits and sausage gravy. I wanted to make him macaroni and cheese for dinner as well, but with the excellent planning on the part of his COC to put block leave -nowhere- near a payday, that won't be happening.
Hmm. It looks like I may need to play DD to him this evening since he wants to visit one of his friends for some PS3 and a few beers. Better go clean up.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Coooooooookie Crisps...

I haven't been able to stomach a bowl of cereal for breakfast in a long time. Today I ate a bowl of Cookie Crisps (actually, it's the off-brand called "Kookies!") and I have to say, they were delicious. As for the rest of the day, its been somewhat uneventful. We had almost a week with no snow and then two days of sunny 50 degree days, but this morning I awoke to 19 degrees with wind warnings and snow. Its only a little snow, but actually here I think a little snow is worse than alot. You see, when it snows alot the plows run and run and run, but when there is just a dusting they neglect to plow as much as they ought to and so we end up with slipping and accidents.
I went off post twice today to pick up some things for Claryssa-the-awesome-pet-sitter while she is out of town. On the way back I experienced my first truly fearful moment in the snow. The back road I hop on to get from where we are to one of the nearby areas faster wasn't cleared as quickly as it usually is and even though I was driving carefully and cautiously, my brakes became seemingly non-existent as I tried to stop at the intersection with the road to post. As I saw my car sliding forward and the meridian of the road I was attempting to turn onto coming closer I slowly turned the wheel all the way to the right and when I was off the ice the car began to slowly turn and stop. Luckily the traffic oncoming from either side of my car was far off so I got myself out of the middle of the road and through the gate but it was definitely a scary moment. It clarified to me that no matter how safely you drive in inclement whether, there is always a chance something could happen and so to be extra cautious and weary of other cars on the road.
As for the rest of my day, I worked magic fitting all of Claryssa's groceries into our freezer until they are back from Delaware. It was sort of like one of those wood block things you give to a toddler where they fit shapes into holes. Or like Perfection! Anyone remember that game? Oh man. I sort of want to Amazon or Ebay that now. Haha! That game will wreck your nerves...Anyway! Everything fit and that is what counts!
I'm off to do my hair and prepare for dinner out with a few people.


Friday, February 18, 2011

When Leave Means Leaving...

This week is our Pre-D leave. Its the time when all the guys in hubby's unit get the opportunity to spend time with their families. Its a really nice idea but at the same time, its a sobering one. This leave time cements the knowledge that he will have to go soon. I don't like the idea. I know, like he knows, that he could easily get himself put on profile and not have to go, but he doesn't want that. He wants to do what he signed up to do. He feels a moral obligation not only to his country, but to his fellow soldiers and himself to do what is right. No matter how much I will miss him, I support that decision. I love him and I have faith in him that he will come back to me and I have faith in God that he won't take my husband from me.
I will admit, though, that with everyone else I know sending their husbands off to the less dangerous areas I get angry and jealous. I call my mom when I have these feelings because she lets me scream and cry into the phone and doesn't judge me. She and Dad just let me talk. It isn't fair, to me. I can't wrap my head around why it is that my husband has to go to the fronts where they are clearing and building. Why can't he go to the "police action" or to the bases that are already established? Why? Because the Army said so. I'm adapting as best I can to that fact. When the Army says it, it is what it is. I can't call up his Chain of Command and scream and cry. I can't ruin his career and be that wife, so instead I stay here, I support him and I do my best to stay strong for him and for me.
I can do this.
We can do this.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

All I Have to Do Is Dream...

Dreaming is something that appears to puzzle scientists. We are constantly doing research on sleep as well as how dreams effect our sleep. For instance, recently a group of scientists performed an experiment wherein just upon entering REM (the deepest period of sleep and also when you dream) a group of subjects was jolted back into a regular sleep and not allowed to enter REM over a period of about 2 weeks. The students became increasingly agitated, irritable, could not concentrate, began to hallucinate and once they were finally allowed to enter sleep their body over-compensated and they entered REM much more easily and remained in it longer.
It's clear, then, that we need to dream, and almost all of us do dream on a regular basis but the difference is that most of us forget our dreams upon waking or very shortly after. A study showed that within 5 minutes of waking 50% of dream recollection has diminished and at 10 minutes the number grows to 90%.
For myself, I know that I tend to sleep well unless stressed and lately, even with stress, I have managed to put myself at ease and sleep very well. I have, however, been having increased dreams and recollection. I've have three dreams in two weeks about being pregnant and being very upset about it. I've had a handful of dreams about high school and people I knew then, a few here and there about an ex boyfriend harassing myself and Erik and trying to cause dissension between us and then of course the random dreams that make no sense but when I wake up they make me laugh and wonder what sort of subconscious message they were trying to convey.
Some of them, especially the abstract ones, I look up online. I see what people think they mean or what the symbolism might be saying about how I am feeling.  For instance, the pregnancy test in my dream supposedly represents being presented with a new challenge or goal and fear of failure and being pregnant represents something similar. In a way I could say that is true. There are many new challenges before me in the near future. I'm taking more classes, I'm volunteering, I've taken a roll as a key caller, I'm going through my first Big D. That's alot to think about I guess, or maybe its nothing more than the fact that everyone around me either just had or is having a child and I don't want to yet and am afraid that the whole "when one woman starts having babies everyone else follows suit" thing will come true and I'll have a baby before I'm prepared.
Regardless, the extra sleep is always appreciated even if I do feel trapped in a cartoon-like world of random-ness and irony each night.


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Strong Bonds, Block Leave and Gearing Up...

I've been busy, so posting has been minimal which I am sure is obvious. Hubby and I dove into February head first and its been a bit of a whirlwind. His battalian managed a last minute booking of a resort in Vermont for a Strong Bonds retreat. For those who don't know, Strong Bonds retreats are little seminars where the chaplains of a battalion arrange for the Army to pay for a certain number of soldiers and family members to go away from base for a few days and spend time in a resort. Mandatory classes occupy a few hours of the days but then the rest of the time you are free to relax and explore the areas and the attractions.
Erik and I missed the first go-round so he jumped up and was first in line to jot our names down for this one. We found out the next week we'd be leaving that weekend so we rushed to find a puppy-sitter (Thank you, Claryssa!) and then packed up.
Our original intent was to ride the bus with the single soldiers attending, but when we realized that meant we would either have to catch a cab or car pool to attractions in the area we opted for the drive. We both hate driving distances, but pleasantly the drive was much shorter than estimated and was a relaxing drive. I will, however, admit that driving over all the bridges through Lake Champlain and seeing people ice fishing puzzles me. I understand ice fishing is nothing new and people have been doing it a long time, but why in the world would you go out into the middle of a body of water, knowing that below the ice you are standing on is water. Then of course, you cut a giant hole in said ice. First of all, if you fall in, you are most likely going to get stuck under the ice and be unable to escape. However, if by some miracle you make it out, you'll probably die from hypothermia anyway! Go to the store, buy some fish, and wait for spring and summer to actually do the fishing! Moving on... Once we arrived we checked in and got set up in the hotel. It was gorgeous. It had an indoor/outdoor theme so someplaces indoors looked as if you were outdoors and areas that were outdoors flowed smoothly into the indoors. The hotel also has two restaurants, both with mediocre food that was overpriced but that's sort of what I expected anyway. My martini was good, I'll give them that! Our buffet-style set up at the classes themselves was good as well, for the most part, though the chicken was extremely bland and dry. We enjoyed our classes and spending time with others in our battalion and we took a few excursions into the area. We visited the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory and the original Ben and Jerry's Factory as well as a quiet dinner in downtown Burlington wherein our waitress was a snotty brat and I happily informed her manager and hostess of this fact and left as soon as our food arrived. After the trip, Erik and I hopped the ferry back across the lake and found that trip, although more scenic, to be shorter. Everyone had avoided the route we took home under rumors of the roads being closed for winter, but clearly not seeing as we both arrived home a little before everyone else!
As for following our weekend together, we picked up our pup, arrived home and spent Sunday lazing around the house doing absolutely nothing but watch television and talk. The upcoming weekend is dear hubby's week of block leave but our plans to go to Tennessee have been canceled so instead we will be enjoying home together and making the best of canceled plans. With all of the Pre-D gearing up he has to do and all of this inspections we've had to put out alot more than we take in, so thank God for our income tax refund.
I'd better take out the trash and get a coat and shoes together now. I'm off in about an hour with my friend, the wonderful pet-sitter, Claryssa, to interview her midwife. I've continued to spread the baby bug! Haha!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Oh Baby Baby, Baby Baby!

What is it exactly about that four letter B word that makes men cringe? Why is it that one day late on our menstrual cycle and our men start turning green and looking like they are about to lose their lunch?
In history, men killed for children. Literally. King Henry VIII had wives divorced, beheaded, excommunicated his entire country from the Catholic church, and for what? For a male heir. So why is it then that nowadays the idea of a child sends men running?
I am, by no means, in a rush to have children. I think they are beautiful and a blessing, but I'm not ready to stop playing video games and doing whatever I want with m husband when I want yet either, but at the same time I can sit back, relax and think about when I am ready and look forward to it.
Not hubby though. I bring it up and he looks ill and terrified and explains to me how not ready he is. He says he knows we'll make beautiful babies but he doesn't think he's going to be ready for a long time. He then proceeds to explain to me how as a man it was ingrained into him that having kids ruins everything and it means your life as a free man is over and there is no fun or good times for you once you have a child.
I understand that he wants to be a father someday, but its hard to not take it personally when he acts like the idea is just so absurd and nauseating. I mean, what if we had a "happy surprise?" Clearly it wouldn't be the end of the world, but I mean, if all of you gentlemen in the world want to abstain from children so badly then I suggest you abstain from the process too. How's that sound?


Saturday, February 5, 2011

Ah, The Happy Home-maker!

Up at 7:00AM, out of bed and feeding the dog, letting her outside, give her her Milkbones, unload the dishwasher, eat a donut, check the email & Facebook, check the finances, thaw ingredients for Super Bowl party food, package cell phones to send to dad, get dressed, run to the post office, come home and tend to the hubby ;), feed him a donut and set him up for his relax day, vacuum the floors and furniture, shake the rugs, sweep, mop all the floors including the common area that the neighbor insists on tracking mud through and never cleaning, scrub counters and tables, put breakables away and hide the white tablecloth, get out all the ingredients that are now thawed and ready to go, start pizza dough in the bread maker, get a call from mom, get on Skype with mom and family, find out my Skype is out of date, download Skype and install, video conference through Skype with family, realize I need to eat so I make a sandwich roll, continue Skyping and eating but feel ill so feed Erik the sandwich roll, beep beep beep dough is done, start second batch of dough and explain that I'd love to continue Skyping but I actually do have to go, bake carrot cake, talk to mom on the phone about Skype, pizza dough and cake of course finish simultaneously, grab both and cake is a little over done, curse under breath and add pizza dough to other pizza dough which, though in the refrigerator, is still rising for some reason, heat pan and brown pork for egg rolls, add veggies and seasonings and finish the filling then stuff wrappers and seal to bake tomorrow, take stubborn and slightly over-baked cake out of pans and fill and ice, mix up green and yellow frostings for decorating while staining my hands (of course,) finish cake, clean kitchen, talk to mom again, check email, check Facebook, write blog, SLEEP.

I'm so tired.



Friday, February 4, 2011

Five dollar, five dollar, five dollar foot long...

Happy Februany, everyone! Yes. That's right. I'm celebrating Subway's marketing campaign because I am a self-confessed Subway-holic. Yesterday was pretty laid back and easy going. Even though myself and Drum-Heather (Heather from Fort Drum shall from now on be known as Drum-Heather and my best friend Heather shall now be known as BFF-Heather to differentiate more easily) were planning our Super Bowl get-together. I don't want to use the term "party" because "party" to me infers loudness, obscenities, drinking and me being annoyed. If I call it a "get-together" I can convince myself that it isn't going to be ridiculous. Thankfully, since we aren't inviting too many people, it shouldn't be bad anyway, especially since all but one of the invited are a married couple. As we planned, we battled the commissary days before the Super Bowl. That was an adventure. I'm not sure I have ever seen the shelves so bear at the commissary, even at Thanksgiving. And they were out of all but one package of bok choy. Really? Really? Of all the things they'd run low on, that wasn't really at the top of my guesses. Regardless, I got what I needed and so did she and then I remembered Februany and so we ventured to the PX for sandwiches. We ended up chatting far longer than I expected. I think my desperation for human contact became clear yesterday. I got to sit for hours and just talk to another human being face to face and for the first time in a long time I didn't worry about being destitute and alone while Erik plays in the sand box with the other big boys. I also picked up his Valentine's day present while we were there. He's been asking for what I bought for a little while, sort of off-handedly just mentioning it here and there, and I decided it would be perfect for him. All I want from him is flowers, and I hope he gets that hint. I want to go out on a date and I want flowers. That's it. Nothing else. I don't think that's too hard, but I could be wrong. Guys over-think things.
Anyway, we finished up and I went to drop her off at her place and we ended up chatting for a couple more hours before I went home and gave Erik his sandwich and unloaded groceries.
He's been very very tired lately. At the beginning of the month we were told we'd be getting more family time and that it was going to be a big focus for us because of the Big D coming up and so the guys are supposed to be home as close to 1500 as possible, but with a few guys unable to get their acts straight, the entire platoon suffers and now 1700 formations mean less time together, especially on top of 0550 morning formations. It's long days and short nights for us, but we're making the best of it and trying our best. Any time with him is better than nothing. I love him, and five minutes with him is worth the world to me, so I'll take what I can get while I can get it.
Anyways, I'm off to start some food preparation while I can for the party, and then I'm going to try my hand at some calamari for Erik and I this evening.