Side Note:

Side Note:
For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't been here: The titles of most of the blogs here are song lyrics. If you google them, it should take you to the song and the song is good to listen to before, during, or after reading to help set the tone of the blog. I find music to be very cohesive with reading and writing.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Little Man You're Nothing Like Me, Lying Cheating So Deceiving, I Trusted You, Broke Me Down, And You Screwed Me Over...

Marriage. Defined in one of the many definitions from the Random House dictionary, is defined as follows: "the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of two people to live as a married couple"

However, sadly, divorce rates in our country are obnoxiously high. Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. From what I can gather, there are two main reasons for this.

First of all, we are part of the "Have It Your Way" generation. Thanks to BK for the title, its a generation of give-me-give-me and takers. We are out for ourselves, and other people fall by the wayside to our own wants and selfishness. And, as children, more-so they our generation and these after mine have been taught that no doesn't really mean no. It simply means you should keep asking until you get what you want because someone will give in when they feel sorry for you.
Little Timmy's green race car with the flashing lights and noises isn't working anymore? It could be a quick fix...but I'd have to pull it apart or look up how to fix it or get help fixing it. I'll just go spend the 20 dollars to pick up a new one on the way home.
That same attitude is too often thrown about in relationships. Instead of putting in the effort to fix our problems, we abandon the life-partnership we agreed to. Counseling is hard. It takes time. And feelings. Who wants to go through that? Its quicker just to go pay a few hundred (or thousand) dollars and divorce the old battle axe and move on to greener pastures.

The second problem, recorded on divorce filings as the reason for approximately 20-30% of all divorces: Marital Infidelity. (For those of the "Kronk no like big words :(" Club, that means cheating.)

Statistics from research in 2009 show that 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having affairs. Experts believe this number to be much higher, but believe the shame and guilt attached to the act cause them to hide it even in anonymous polls. They also believe that those admitting their affairs are only admitting the the affairs that they deem in their minds to be legitimate affairs. For men, physical encounters of a sexual nature are seen as an affairs, whereas less than 50% of men acknowledge online affairs as a form of adultery. Women admit more freely to emotional affairs being part of the equation.
Men seeking extramarital affairs most often note never having an intention of pursuing a lasting relationship with their mistresses, as can be indicated by statistics showing that less than 2% of extramarital affairs lead to marriage, and 70% of the relationships that are products of affairs, including the time of the affair, last one year or less.  And in the 2% who do marry? 75% of these marriages end in divorce.

Now then, I say all this not to defend cheating at all, but instead to point out that its become something that society seems to want us to all lay down and accept. I read recently on a discussion on Facebook where someone said "Divorce is a part of marriage."  My response: What a load of crap. If divorce is a part of marriage, can someone please explain to me why it is that for centuries, divorces weren't handed out like Halloween candy like they are today? Oh. I know. Because people didn't just get them so easily, people were encouraged to keep true to their spouses, to be kind and loving partners to their other half, and divorces actually required reasoning and work to get. You couldn't just walk in, sign a paper and scribble down "because I don't like him/her anymore" as your reasoning for destroying something you promised to keep sacred for a lifetime.

The problem is, that people enter a marriage with the facade of wanting to live for another person and to join together as one and truly love and honor and cherish, but in reality, they just want the perks. I have yet to truly understand why it is that my ex decided it would be a good idea to get married if it wasn't really what he wanted, however, I am sure of one this: I feel no sympathy for ending my marriage to him for his infidelity and his lack of desire to fix our marriage.

"Don't you feel bad for them?"
"You loved them. You're still married/you were married to them."
"I feel like I owe him/her."
"I don't want them to suffer or struggle."
"I feel bad for...."

Please. Give me a break.  I'm about to go ice queen here for a second, so bear with me.

I never wanted to go through a divorce. I entertained, for quite some time, the idea of remaining single in order to avoid divorce. I even confessed this to my ex when we first got together. He said he felt the same. That his mother's infidelity to his father had ruined his family and his outlook of women and marriage. Somehow, however, we both grew to want that together. We both entered the marital contract together. We stepped into it. Became a married couple and agreed to act as such.

Some time after that, apparently for one of us the lines became blurred. My husband chose to act as a single entity, with no regard for myself. He severed his matrimonial bonds in his mind and heart to me, and thus declared himself single.
This, therefore, is my true feelings, perhaps a theory, on how I feel I am allowed to feel as are others, when this happens:
Your ex, in taking action to act as a single person, ended your relationship/marriage. They chose to act as a single individual, and thus, your responsibility to that person as the other half of that relationship is severed. You owe them NOTHING.
I hear over and over these tales of people sticking it out and helping with bills or a cell phone or a car that their ex now uses to call other people, see other people, or live with other people. Why are you helping them? Why are you hurting yourself more by aiding them in what originally caused the end of your marriage/relationship? Are you dense?
While spitting fire in rage once, I am quoted as saying this: I have NO sympathy for my ex husband. If he were dying of thirst, I wouldn't have my boyfriend ejaculate in a cup for him to drink to quench his thirst.

Yeah. I went there. Take that visualization and enjoy it. Someone who has no disregard for the callous disposal of a loved one and the life they built together is of no use to me. Statistics don't make it acceptable, they simply point out that more people do wrong than right.

Be the exception, not the rule.
Be the minority.

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