Side Note:

Side Note:
For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't been here: The titles of most of the blogs here are song lyrics. If you google them, it should take you to the song and the song is good to listen to before, during, or after reading to help set the tone of the blog. I find music to be very cohesive with reading and writing.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

All I Know, All I Know, Love Will Save the Day...

I love Rory's puppy sad face she makes at me when I'm trying to do something like homework, cleaning or blogging. It's a face of "Why is this task more fun than the excitement of rubbing my belly?" It would be lovely if the entire world were so simple and innocent as that, my dear pup.
I've got alot on my mind today. I've got to do a lot of errands, to include picking up my friend Giselle from her class but I haven't heard from her yet. Now, this may seem silly, but that has me worried. I think I inherited extreme cautiousness from my dad. I remember my parents were always highly cautious to begin with, but it never bothered me. After my eldest sister was murdered though, the cautions were taken to a whole new level. My entire family sudden realized what it was like to lose someone from our lives entirely. I think and unspoken oath was passed knowingly among each of us at that moment to never let another one of us disappear. I now take that same precaution with all people in my life.
Even now, at the age of 23, if I am in a store with people and turn around to see them no longer behind me, a moment of utter fear and panic sets in and I have to go and look for them, or, should we have decided to separate to do our own shopping I feel the need to expedite my own shopping needs and hurry back to my companion. Erik doesn't understand why fully, but he sees that it is something that truly, deeply affects me so when he needs to go get a stick of deodorant or wants to pick up some more razor blades, he just leads me gently with him. The feeling of fear is always worse when I am in a place unfamiliar to me. For instance, when I go to Connecticut if my soon-to-be sister-in-law leaves a section of the store to go to another and I can't find her, I can't seem to rationalize that she will be fine and so will I and instead I will stop looking at whatever I was looking at and walk immediately to find her.
So as I sit here, worrying because I have not heard from Little G today and have not received a call to come get her, I rationalize that I am allowed to be worried. With her hubby deployed, she's been very sad and down and stressed with that, school and a broken down car. Am I overthinking things? Do I need to worry? The more important question to me is: Does it hurt anything to worry? Is there such a thing as being overly cautious? I don't hinder my life. I still have fun, I still do things, so why does it matter if I try to be more aware of my surroundings and more on my toes? Maybe it doesn't, but then why do I feel like people think something is wrong with me for worrying about myself and the ones I love?


1 comment:

  1. I never realized you did that. Maybe because we always just walked together.

    I don't think it's weird to worry, so long as it doesn't hold you back from doing things and you continue to live your life.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.