I could go for a fairy-godmother right about now. A genie would work too, though I'm not much for liking the limit-on-wishes, I guess it would be okay because I really only have one right now.
I don't want him to go. Plain and simple and not very unpredictable, I know, but that's it. I keep looking at him or thinking about him when something I take for granted as routine happens and realize that they aren't going to be routine when he's not here. I don't have to wake up at 0530 when he isn't here. There will be no one to make breakfast for. There will be no one to make lunch or dinner for, and when he isn't here sure the house will be cleaner, but whose socks will I pick up or pull from between his recliner cushions? Who will drink all the milk and eat the last piece of American cheese then not tell me they did it? Who will leave the toilet seat up when I really have to pee so they when I run in, throw my pants down and sit down I fall in and scream? No one. I'll have no one to understand our special sarcasm jokes back and forth and no one to walk me down the halls when I watch something to scary and am afraid to walk from the living room to the bedroom.
And I keep crying. I'm trying really hard not to because everyone keeps telling me how its bad to cry because then he will just worry about me instead of doing what he needs to do, but I can't help it. It's who I am. I cry when Bambi's mom dies. I cry when the Beast dies even though I have watched the movie a million+ times and know he lives and they live happily ever after.
This sucks.
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Fae.
Who told you not to cry? I'ma beat some heads in. It's normal. Don't hold it in. You don't have to be tough right now to protect his feelings. He knows your emotional. Sure, if might upset him, too, but you both need to work out those feelings.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying be the wishy washy wife, but, if you need to cry, then freaking do it! You'll feel better.
Hugs! I love you! You can call me whenever you want or need to.
Pretty much every time he walks out the door for work right now I want to call someone. I'm trying to pull it together but I soooo don't like how hard this is. This would be alot easier if I was a crappy wife and didn't care. And everyone says not to cry because it will make him worry. I cried once already today and then almost again at lunch but I held it together.
ReplyDelete