Side Note:

Side Note:
For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't been here: The titles of most of the blogs here are song lyrics. If you google them, it should take you to the song and the song is good to listen to before, during, or after reading to help set the tone of the blog. I find music to be very cohesive with reading and writing.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Can I Get A...

I am a lovey-dovey, touchy-feely, huggy girl. I love to hug people I know when I see them or when they are leaving, I love to gently shove when I joke with people, I kiss someone on the top of their head when they are crying on my shoulder. That being said, even with all that touchy-feely-ness that I was always taught was a good thing, my DH and I have never made sex the forefront of our marriage. Now, that's not to say that we don't "get it on" like the newly-weds that we are, but at the same time, we're also comfortable enough with one another to understand that we both do a lot during the day and come home tired, so it's not an every night thing and sometimes it may even go a week. *GASP* Regardless, my point is that both of us have talked as adults and have an understanding that there's no reason for that to be a primary concern for either of us in this relationship because we are truly best friends and know there is more to this for us than that.
Now that that's been said, I must confess that for the first time in our relationship I feel like I'm being sexually deprived. (And not by choice, of course. If he were here we'd have this problem all sealed up.) The"Sexually deprived for your freedom" shirts and the Facebook group are making more and more sense now!
When he was at BCT, it sucked but after it was over I saw him briefly (very briefly) for an intimate rendezvous in the car. On his way in transit from BCT to AIT, I again went up for a visit at the airport and we spent some more time in our car. While he was in AIT, I visited twice, the first time for four days, the second time for almost a week, and so all total, we've only ever been away and truly cut off from physical intimacy for about eight to nine weeks at a time before. The realization that this playtime in the sandbox time will make that stretch immensely longer was overwhelmingly clear when I started having dreams about my husband and I doing the naughty. Now, I've had these kinds of dreams before, so no this isn't some new experience, however never this often. Nearly all of them have had my husband in the starring role, though on occasion its not my husband. It's no one who is realistically reachable, of course, but it's still a little awkward to be a married woman having a dream about being the filling of a Blake Shelton/Tim McGraw sandwich. (Please make me stop watching The Voice.)
The grumpiness that follows the morning, and sometimes even extends into the day after, one of these dreams is unbearable. I'm not a grumpy person! Sarcastic? Duh. Cynical? Clearly. But grumpy? I'm a freakin' ray of sunshine people. Haha! But not on these days! On these days I am snappy and find myself going off on tangents about how somehow prisoners who have commited murder, rape and treason still are allowed conjugal visits, yet we're get nothing for months at a time! Everyone whose husbands are home on R&R or not deployed are getting retina-searing glares from me through the monitor each time they post on Facebook on these days. And Lord help you if you're with him and I run into you on those days because I'll probably be mentally talking myself down from kneeing him so you feel my pain for at least a few days.
My rationale is off these days, but the rest of the time I'm really handling everything quite well. In fact, I keep being told how well I am handling things which I think is in part why I wanted to post this. I'm human too. This is my first time doing this, so I'm getting a grasp on things and trying to figure out how to do this just like some of you have done or are doing now too, so don't think I don't struggle. When I have my bad days, they are one of two modes: if it's not extremely-irritable-sexually-deprived Fae then its sad-mopey-cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat Fae. Those days I stay home with the dog and yes, that actually makes things feel better. This big D thing is something I am thinking of as a learning experience and I am taking away from it alot of knowledge about myself I did not have prior.
Today's lesson: The sentence "I don't think the no-sex for a year thing will really be a big deal for me" was incorrect. lol


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